Arranging Life’s Flowers
“When something feels right, I get a sense of bubbles inside,” she says with a smile. We are in the middle of a coaching session exploring the next step in her professional career. Our call takes place as she is going through one of the transitional stages we all do, and she and I are in the process of identifying key priorities and actions in her search.
One of the things that I find interesting about our conversations is the chance to zoom in on the beliefs governing our dispositions. In this case to understand:
1) The difference between a path defined by external factors, and a professional journey guided by personal desire.
2) The way our expectations impact our concept of order and the value we attribute to our own contribution.
I recently shared a small video on Instagram of a bee bouncing around a flower in the botanical garden in Atlanta. Bees fascinate me in a number of ways. But one thing I especially cherish about them is their subtle reminder to me that, firstly, not all journeys have to be straight to be purposeful. Secondly, that there are infinite ways of adding value to the world.
A life journey, playing out as a linear string of events, is often an illusion and not necessarily the most enriching kind of experience when it comes to gaining personal insight and resilience. Life is messy and as your circumstances change through life, so will your criteria for what fulfills you. What seems desirable and aspirational today may be quite different five years from now.
What is key to a feeling of contentment is that major decisions in life are guided by something you actually want (as opposed to things you try to avoid). Everybody has to co-create and adapt to the circumstances they are in, but we all have a choice when it comes to the way we react and respond.
As it pertains to our professional lives, many hold back from pursuing the job of their dreams if they don’t have the perfect resume to show for it. Others prevent themselves from creating a fabulous career path by neglecting the overall direction to their journey. Knowing your why doesn’t automatically provide you with a clear idea of what and how. But it is a great place to start!
Moving countries and living abroad right after university meant that I didn’t get to start my own professional journey with the kind of corporate job I once imagined. Instead, I found myself staying at home with a toddler (and another soon on his way!), and at times questioned my ability to rise and prove myself professionally.
When self-doubt sneaks up on you (and life gets foggy), we tend to focus on and compare ourselves to others. When looking back, I see how my fear of being away from the traditional job market caused me to overlook the value of diverse life experiences. Furthermore, it took me a long time to fully understand how proficiency can be gained in so many ways.
What I am learning from my own story, is that what truly matters is your own faith in the value of your experiences combined with your ability to apply this insight to whatever reality you are in. What I also know at this point, is that this is easier said than done, and can only happen if you are willing to take a chance on yourself.
Over the years, I have learned to see my skills and experiences as a range of cut flowers that I have the option to arrange and rearrange. My preferences in terms of both flowers and bouquets are ever-changing and shaped by the circumstances of my life.
Some stems seem to last a lifetime (and have become evergreens in my bouquets). Others start to wither after a while or simply lose their attraction to me as new seasons come along. I will be picking some new stems for their utter beauty, others because of their seasonality, and some due to a spur-of-the-moment purchase at the flower stand.
From the many great “florists” I get to work with, I know how easy it is to get distracted and how hard it can be to build vision and gain clarity on what you actually want. We all move (and at times stagger!) through foggy and, often exhausting, stages in life where the only real guidance you get is the bubbles inside and the courage it takes from you to follow their cue!
If you are inspired by my analogy with picking flowers and creating bouquets, you may want to spend a little time pondering the following:
What type of flowers appeal to you right now?
Are there stems in your existing bouquet that seem a bit tired; Would some benefit from a little rearranging, or the addition of one or two new types of flowers?
When did you last trim the evergreens and add fresh water to the vase?
With love,
Sille