The Essence of Resilience
As I am writing this, Summer is coming to an end, and we are officially entering the season of Fall. Traditionally, this is the time for preservation and wind down, where people and animals get ready for the winter. If Spring is a symbol of new birth and childhood, and Summer represents our youth, then Fall is a sign of the adult maturity that prepares us for winter and old age.
Outside my “writer’s cocoon,” however, the world is currently showing very few signs of any wind down or circular wisdom. As I am sure you would agree, we are clearly going through a time of great transition causing all kinds of imbalance for us to deal with.
Everybody goes through stages in life experiencing unexpected twists and turns, ranging from everyday challenges to traumatic events with more lasting impact. Life is ever changing, and while some changes are within our power to control, the majority are not.
Resilience refers to the ability to bounce back, adapt and ultimately grow from difficult experiences or stressful situations. It is shaped by the reaction we, more or less consciously, choose to have and is therefore something we can develop. Like building muscle, increasing your resilience takes time and intentionality.
Being resilient doesn’t imply that we won’t experience difficulty or distress, but it will help us move through it. People who have suffered different kinds of trauma will typically have experienced severe pain. This is why some of the most resilient people I know are those who have learned how to handle their emotional distress from personally having been through hardship.
In her research, resilience expert Lucy Hone has identified three interesting things resilient people seem to have in common. According to her observations, this group of people:
Get that “shit happens!”
Resilient people accept that struggle and suffering is part of life, and they don’t expect the opposite to be the norm.
Consciously choose where to put their attention
Resilient people focus on things they can impact and change, and they are able to move past the things they can’t control.
Ask themselves, “Is what I’m doing helping or harming me?”
Resilient people are mindful of their choice of action in a given situation, and they pay attention to what will serve the best possible outcome.
Building resilience is about creating balance across mind, body and spirit. How to do this varies from person to person just as we all have different strongholds when it comes to the proportionality between the three.
In my own personal case, a number of factors are impacting my ability to respond resiliently including:
Being mindful of the way I think
When under some kind of pressure or increased stress, I first of all know it is important for me to stay aware of the way I process my thoughts. How I think about something has a direct impact on the way I feel and thereby how I ultimately react. This is why getting caught up in the content of my thoughts (as opposed to focusing on the alternative interpretations that are available to me) is typically when irrational thinking, and a sense of overwhelm, get the chance to hijack the mental cockpit of my mind.
Taking the right care of my body
Taking the right care of my body is holding another important key to my resilience. Whenever I am able to maintain a healthy diet, exercise on a regular basis and especially get enough sleep, I automatically feel stronger and more flexible. Not only physically but also in a mental sense. I find that feeling healthy is at the foundation for how I carry myself through something. It is therefore also a great paradox for me to discover that this is typically the part of me that I tend to ignore the first when finding myself under some kind of pressure!
Feeling a sense of purpose and belonging
Being part of a community and having a sense of purpose are spiritual cornerstones when it comes to stimulating my sense of resilience. Knowing who and what is important to me helps me navigate challenging stages in my life. Staying focused and committed to my personal intentions allows me to go through stages of less visibility, and keeps me protected against uncertainty and doubt.
Knowing that the outside world is probably claiming the majority of your attention, I nevertheless hope you will take a moment to step back and reflect on what is adding to your personal resilience.
Love,
Sille