Embracing Imperfection
Some time ago, I accidently dropped a small ceramic bowl on the bathroom floor. When hitting the marble, the bowl broke into pieces and, although it never represented any financial value, the bowl has always been precious to me and made me regret my negligence.
Staring at the broken pieces, I was reminded of the ancient Japanese method Kintsugi. Translated into “joined by gold,” Kintsugi is about repairing broken ceramics by creating a golden lacquer seam. As an artform the technique is a testament to breakage and repair being a natural (and even enriching) part of the history of an object, rather than something to be hidden.
The Kintsugi technique is part of the Japanese philosophy of Wabi-Sabi, embracing the flawed and imperfect. Kintsugi is here to remind us that what was once broken can stay useful and shouldn’t necessarily be discarded. Highlighted in gold, the cracks become a sign of acceptance towards the disruptive as a natural part of life and celebration of the uniqueness created by the transformative process itself.
In a world often prizing youth, perfection and excess, embracing the old and battered may seem strange, just as getting rid of something broken can be a tempting solution. This is why I love how Kintsugi gently suggests that we make the most of what already is, and to see the beauty in what we do have, flaws and all, instead of always grasping for more, different, other, and better.
What I find most inspiring about the Kintsugi approach is perhaps the insistence on paying attention to the value in experience and the wisdom from transformation as a matter of actual enrichment.
Part of the appeal has to do with the ability to impact as opposed to being the object of events. As human beings we don’t always get to decide our circumstances in life and we rarely “fall apart” as a consequence of free will. But what we do get to decide is the way we respond and how we go about our “cracks.” Whatever happens to us, becomes a part of our life journey and thereby our story. And while we can’t change what has happened, we do get to decide how we share these experiences with others.
Exposing vulnerabilities, by admitting errors and sharing our flaws, creates intimacy and trust in relationships, and fosters mutual understanding. Sharing what is painful, and perhaps even shameful, allows us to see and be seen, to learn from one another and normalize our experience. What might start out as a sense of failure holds the potential of making you stronger, and grants you the permission to fail.
“Perfectionism is just fear in high heels and a mink coat, pretending to be fancy.” - Elizabeth Gilbert
Considering the above, I personally still find it challenging to go “all in” on imperfection. Understanding the potential in cutting myself the slack and letting go of the urge to control, part of me always strives to perfect. I typically stretch myself far to eliminate mistakes and avoid exposing my weaknesses. Ironically, this has led me to achieve many great things and many that I am proud of. But I also know that whenever my inner perfectionist shows up, this is ultimately my fear of failure in disguise trying to distract me from taking a chance or running the risk of loss.
Wanting to keep my ceramic bowl, and reflecting on the Kintsugi philosophy, made me think of this as a kind of “edifying synthesis” between accepting what had happened and enabling something new to evolve and take shape. Or put differently; by fixing the piece in a way that combines the damage from the crash with the urge to perfect and improve somehow allows me to see value in both and to consider one being the natural premise of the other.
When it comes to human scares, we also need time to process the damage as part of the healing process. We cannot move straight to see the positive in that which has forced us to our knees. But knowing that there are ways in which we can do that without feeling permanently broken is what allows us to recreate ourselves in interesting ways and add powerful dimensions to our stories.
There will always be times in life when you will feel broken and exposed and there will be experiences that will leave you with emotional or physical scars. But don’t hide in the shadow of your own bright light and never let your fear of failure get in way of reaching your goals. Instead, allow yourself the wisdom from having tried and let those scars be shown in gold.
Love,
Sille